Saturday, November 27, 2010

I Am Not My Mother!

Do you know that you can feel you sons' eyes roll over the phone?

"Hello, mom, I have a job interview tomorrow." 

Screech.  Gasp.  "Are you going to wear a shirt with a collar?  Make sure there's no dog hair on it."

"I know m-o-t-h-e-r." 

"You're rolling your eyes at me, aren't you?  Stop it!"

This is such cruel punishment from my own flesh and blood.  I spent most of my life cringing at the things my mother said and I'm certainly not my mother.  I AM NOT MY MOTHER!  Come over here closer and say that. 

"Why don't you ask Tiffany out?  Her mother told me that she broke up with her boyfriend, and she seems like such a nice girl."


"So I suppose that just because I suggested it....Stop rolling!"

No, I'll say it again.  I am not my mother!  I'm way cool and she wasn't.  When she suggested guys they were the pasty faced, choir boy, closet gay types, and when I suggest women they are hot blondes.That makes us different, right?

I don't fare any better in person.  If the two of them are together, they show no mercy. I get the full frontal eye roll, the pat on the head, and the threat to put me in my mother's nursing home.  I'm only 61 and I don't have dementia yet!  What?  What do you mean I bought you the same present last Christmas?  I couldn't have.  Shit, yes I did.  Why didn't I remember?  Yes, I know that my mother unwrapped the same presents about a dozen times one year.  Well, she enjoyed them every time she opened them.  What's wrong with that?

I also talk too much to strangers, which my parents did and their parents before them.  It's a family tradition.  I also sing along to songs in the car, I dance in the house, I check out their friends on Facebook, I tell off color jokes and just basically breathe which are all reasons for my sons to roll their eyes. 

I know.  It's just a matter of time before they have their own children, blah, blah, blah.  They'll get the same treatment, but that is weak revenge at this point.  At the rate I'm going, I won't be mentally sharp enough to be in cahoots with my grandchildren. Hopefully, I will be able to raise my gray head off the bed, hairs sprouting all over my face, and give my sons a big fat eye roll.  I gotta time it right because they might just think I'm having a stroke or something. 

O.K., so I'll stop now before I embarrass you and myself anymore.  At least until tomorrow.


  1. I was browsing blogger profiles that shared my book interests and stumbled across you. I love this post! I'm only 36 but have already been making a concerted effort with my own kids not to act like my parents. I find myself wanting to tell them to stop doing something when in reality I can't for the life of me come up with a good reason why. I told my wife just yesterday that I was not going to do the things my parents did because, despite their prediction that I would understand their reasons when I got older, I still haven't figured them out! So I try to be a loving and fun dad that only makes rules that I have good reasons for. Maybe it's working? I'll find out in 20 years or so! :)

    Anyway, I'm Andy, it's nice to meet you!

  2. Hi Judy - Good to hear about the job! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving. We had almost 3 feet of snow, so be glad you weren't still in the park.



Talk to me. Listening is free. Advice will cost you.