Monday, November 29, 2010
I'm there because it's cheap, so don't judge me. What I really have to tell you is that retail sucks hugely! I can't tell you how good it feels to say it out loud. It's not just me. If you haven't had the pleasure of waiting on people yourself, find someone who has. We are everywhere in your life...lurking behind bushes, insanely babbling to ourselves. For heaps of fun, Google "Retail Sucks" and settle back. You'll see language from previously normal people that will just blow your hair back.
When we started our business I had no idea that working retail would be worse than being a social worker. I apologize to my readers who are in that noble profession, but let's face it. Social workers are notoriously underpaid, misunderstood and overworked. " We get no respect" to quote a famous American. And you know what? Working retail is at the bottom of the respect scale.
See this child? I swear she was in my store yesterday. While her pregnant mother attempted to shop, she and her little brother ran amuk through the racks. Every ten seconds she stopped and shrieked at the top of her lungs. I mean the sound was at a level that could break glass. Her face was flushed, her hair was disheveled and 666 was peeking out from under her bangs.
Fortunately for my hearing, mother grabbed the demon seed and left the store. I have had clones of this little girl in my store for what seems like hours while the mother shops. Sometimes there are a whole pack of them terrorizing my merchandise while the parents placidly ignore them.
My scrubs are on racks with wheels. Can you see where this is going? Children climb through the racks, push them around, and use them as weapons against their siblings. Little girls love to grab scrub tops off racks and drag them over to their mothers. Do the tops get back to the right place? No. Children pull tags off scrubs. Aren't the little tykes cute? What's even uglier are the parents who let this happen. Why are you having more of them when you can't control the ones you have? Thank God I don't sell glassware.
Let's move on to cell phone addicts. Brittany or Tiffany stroll through the store, ear glued permanently to their rhinestone encrusted cell phone, trashing your merchandise. "OMG, I can get this top cheaper at Walmart.." Hello! I'm standing right next to you! I own the store! They pull at the clothes with long painted nails. Their tats and piercings are flaunted to the world. "OMG!" These girls are in health care somewhere. Think about it. Frightening.
Since I've mentioned Walmart, let's go there. I'm standing behind my counter, a sweet sappy smile on my face, and customers start the "I can find it cheaper at..." routine. First of all, this is just plain rude. It's a flea market which means the owners are running the stores. These aren't retail outlets or corporate businesses. You talk trash about my store, you are insulting me. How about I go to your job and criticize your work? "Wow, Brandi, you didn't use the proper technique for lifting Mrs. Jones off her bedpan. Oh, yea...your hair looks like hell too." How does it feel, Brandi?
Speaking of Walmart and other evil corporate discount chains, I cannot offer you, ugly customer, the same prices that they do. Try to pull together the few brain cells you have and think this through. Walmart has a gazillion dollars to spend on merchandise. They buy huge quantities of products at ridiculously low prices and make you believe that they pass the savings on to you. Actually, my prices are similar to the discount giants and lower than the chain uniform stores. Think this through and I will speak slowly for your benefit. My profit margin is low. I do not own a vacation home. My car is seven years old. Do I sound like a corporate giant? Do me a favor....keep on moving down the road to the nearest Walmart. I'll even draw you a map.
Of course, we cannot forget the rack wreckers who put items back wherever they happen to end up. And the women who leave make up all over the scrubs they try on. And customers who won't speak to you when you ask if you can help them. And customers who ask if you have scrubs with iguanas on them...really? And customers who ask if I make the scrubs...really again. And customers who ask if I'm here every weekend...no I pack up a thousand items and take them home so I can play with them.
To be fair, there is the flip side. I have many regular customers who treat me with respect and I look forward to seeing them. Their mothers raised them right. I'm venting to relieve the pressure on my blood vessels. Just know that the clerk who waits on you at the department store or the convenience store is mentally plotting your death when you walk in. They may be smiling, but they have many fantasy scenarios involving your untimely demise. Be nice. Be very, very nice.