Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Walking in Hunting Season: It's a Jungle Out There

I'm a simple soul.  Not simple in gazing vacantly at lint on my pants, but I have simple needs.  I need to sleep in a cold room, I need to read, I need chocolate and I need to take walks in the woods.  The first three are covered nicely.  As of yesterday, the walking has taken a deadly twist.

Hubby and I live a semi-hermit like existence in the country.  We have five acres of woods and weeds as high as an elephant's eye.  If I want to walk on our property, I would have to carry a machete.  Since I'm not yet committed to building my upper body, I walk on a neighbor's property.

See the picture?  He has it mowed for just that purpose.  "Come on neighbor," this path says to me. But there's some wee, tiny fine print and you should always read the fine print, you know.  

IT'S HUNTING SEASON FOR DEER!  I was on my third loop of the path, breathing the crisp air, enjoying my privacy and communing with nature, when neighbor shows up in full hunting regalia.  Actually, he sort of looked like the Cookie Monster in camouflage...with a gun. It seems that I was not alone.  I was being observed by men in trees...with guns.

Neighbor informed me, in a sweet way, that it probably wasn't a good time for me to be out walking.  It seems that my orange vest was a nice touch, but my gray hooded sweat shirt sort of looked like a deer tail.  I'm thinking he was being polite about the gray sweatshirt.  They probably saw my gray hair bobbing above the weeds.

He reassured me that deer hunting season, the one where the hunters use guns, would be over next week.  "And what can they use after that?" I asked. " Let's see," neighbor said thoughtfully, "there's seasons for muzzle loading, bow and arrow, sticks and stones, table knives, nerf guns, and Nancy Sinatra tunes."  So I exaggerate a little, but hunting doesn't stop, just the weapons change.

I am currently vewy, vewy afwaid of taking a walk next week or any other week.  I don't think this a good look for me.

I don't know what the bag limit is for my species, but let me say one thing to my predators.  I am a stringy, bitter tastin' critter and my head won't look very impressive on your wall.  Let me walk in peace and the spirits will look kindly on your hunting.  Deal?

And by the way, I hear the deer got their hooves on some claymore mines.  Be vewy, vewy afraid.


  1. I had a friend a while back that was on HIS OWN property riding his horse and got shot at by a hunter! Fortunately the guy was a bad shot and no one got hurt!

    This is my least favorite week at the hotel. We are pretty much up to our ears in stinky redneck guys in orange and camo. I don't really get the camo thing. They have to wear the bright orange vest so why bother with the camo? Anyway, I'm not a hunter myself but I don't have a problem with it either. However, when a hundred guys with guns go out hunting together, in the same general location, I just don't see it being a good thing!

    Stay safe!

  2. More funny stuff. At least you never ran into a gun totin hunter in Yellowstone. Be careful out there.

  3. Judy, you're hilarious! But be careful, no more exercising for you or go out and get a machete and put up a sign, "Walking Season. Beware of woman with machete", then politely tell your neighbor that you're going through your mid life crisis! lol

  4. Book Nut...You make me even more afraid. What did they think it was? A raccoon riding a deer? Yea, what's with the camo and the orange vest? I do believe deer are color blind.
    Scott...I think Yellowstone was safer, except for drunk employees and tourists with RVs.
    Darlin...You're right. I should threaten them with my machete. If they see me waving that around, they'll head the other way.


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